That’s NOT what I wanted… So how come I got it anyway??
When we were kids my dad told us often that we were not to get a tattoo-no matter what.
Every time he said it (“You will not get a tattoo!!”) guess what I saw in my head-yep, a tattoo… I used to think about the tattoo I was (not) going to have and where I was (not) going to have it. I thought about what it would (not) be of, what colours it would (not) be and about how it would (not) make me feel. Needless to say, I got a tattoo…
How much of our focus in life is directed upon what we do not want? And how come not wanting it doesn’t seem to make it go away?
It still surprises me that the “anti/not” brigade don’t quite get it yet. (Who is advising our government on this stuff?? Hire me for your advertising campaigns!!):
-Do not speed (Yeehah!!)
-Do not binge drink (Hic!)
-Do not drive fatigued (Snore….The pictures of those big, red tired eyes hits me with a wave of fatigue every time.)
(Any smart parent will tell you how well the “don’t” command works- quite often all it does is fill our little darlings’ heads with exciting new suggestions. Just like “Don’t Touch-Wet Paint” is ALWAYS a winner for me! )
I’ve had lots of people who, when I have asked them what they want, answer “I do not want to be fat any more” or “I do not want to eat junk food any more” or “I do not want to smoke any more.” (What pictures are you getting – a fat person with a Maccas in one hand and a fag in the other?)
If your head is full of what you do not want how on earth will you get what you do want? It’s a bit like looking backwards, walking forwards and hoping you actually get somewhere near where you’d like to be (without hitting a brick wall or falling off a cliff in the meantime.)
Focusing on what we do not want generally gets us more of the same-after all that’s what’s in our awareness.
Many people get so obsessed about diets and food that is all they think about all day long-( imagine what might happen if they thought about a healthy body and fresh air and exercise instead?)
So, start to have a bit of a listen to yourself and to the people around you. Are you using the negative language of what you don’t want or the positive language of what you do?
Do you want to “not smoke” or “not be fat” or do you want to be “fit and healthy?” Which one puts the most effective picture in your mind? Which one feels best??
Do you “Not want to work here anymore” or do you “See myself in a job I love”?
Do you “Not want any more dramas” or do you “Want a harmonious relationship”?
One perspective and focus delivers you more of the same whilst the other opens up possibilities and opportunities for something different and something better.
So, do you “Not want to be stuck anymore” or do you “Want to get moving?”
Isn’t language a most curious thing!