Learning To say No…and Yes…And No….

 

killer-duck

(‘I Quit– Episode 3)

So I had quit everyday life, gone home and put up the do not disturb sign.

I had created a space for myself. Phew….

Knock, Knock. Ring, Ring…

It began almost at once and came usually in the form of those irritating and pressure-laden “question-mark words”..why? when? what if….??? followed by helpful (doom-laden) unsolicited advice delivered with just a tiny undertone of judgement to help get me back on track…. Toot!!

I realised I had to learn how to defend my “Telene Space” and to protect myself from everything and everyone “out there” who wanted to pull me back into the collective comfort zone…. (where everyone wears sensible shoes and carries umbrellas for rainy days.)

I could not bring the outside in with me. In essence, I had to create a sanctuary for myself without the pressure, (no matter how well-meaning.)

After all, I could do pressure well enough from the inside, thank you very much.

I had to change both how I thought and the way in which I did things and I couldn’t do that with society’s “shoulds “ raining all over me like lava bombs.

 

Hmmm. Defend the space. Time to select my weapons of choice…

Rotten tomatoes? (Fun but messy.)

Unleash the killer duck? (Nah, he was too busy loving everyone’s shoes.)

Good old avoidance-and-hope-they’ll-go-away? (I can only hide in here so long and pretend I’m not home..)

I had to step up and to learn to speak up, to find my voice.

(Use your words Telene, use your words..)

Feeling a little bruised and vulnerable (with a fair smattering of “scared shitless” tossed in for good measure), I kept it simple. It became almost a survival strategy for those first few months and I made it a focus.

I practised learning two words: Yes and No.

Generally speaking, the Yes was for me and the No was for othersContinue reading

Are you Finite Or Infinite?

William Blake

 

 

We create our world and “who we are” through thinking.

There are two types of thinking – finite and infinite.

One is the thinking of limitation.

The other is the thinking of possibility….

 

We think our reality – we have beliefs and understandings around how the world works, how things are, how we see ourselves, how we think others see us and what our role in the world is. We have firm ideas about what is changeable and what is out of our hands.

 

Finite thinking is easy and familiar. It should be, after all, we’re trained to do it from birth.

When we think finitely we limit ourselves to what we know, what we are comfortable with and what we can logically understand.

Finite thinking fools us into believing we’re safe and secure by keeping us spoon-fed with what is trusted and true. It is structured by what is known, can be proven and is a fact.

It keeps us enclosed, encapsulated ……and imprisoned.

Finite thinking is rooted in fear. It is generated within the mind and it is driven by an ego that is desperately afraid of failure and of losing control.

It relies on the misconception that identity and beliefs are one and the same. Therefore, it feels threatened anytime its beliefs are challenged. Continue reading

How will You Create Your Year?

trust

 

What will this year be for you?

Each January I have a word that comes to mind that sets the course of my year.

After it has revealed itself I write and paint it everywhere as a reminder. (Yep, even in the toilet…!)

Then I make it part of my everyday life.

Today I found my theme for 2014.

 

In preparing for my new year I reflected on the past 12 months.

 

For me 2013 was the year of trust.

It was the year to open my heart and be vulnerable. To let go of old conventions and fears around work and money and society’s expectations. A year of letting go of the notion of “work” and “income”. Of letting go of monetary measurements around value and self-worth. Continue reading

What Is Wealth?

footprint

Is wealth about the number of plasma television sets you have hanging on your walls or about the logo on the back of your t-shirt?

Is it the type of car you drive or the size of the diamond on your finger?

Is your wealth measured by the bulge of your pay packet or by which luxury island you go to for your annual holiday?

Maybe true wealth is what you are left with when all of your money has gone….

Continue reading

What if ………

What if...

 

What if ….you’d replied when I enquired about how your day was going instead of turning away? You might have enjoyed hearing some stories about my adventures growing up in a place far from here. Those stories might have inspired you forward into your own possibilities…..if you’d seen me.

 

What if ……you’d thought to smile back when I lifted your pram up the bus steps for you and asked you whether I could help in any way as you struggled to climb aboard? I might have sympathised with you about how hard it is to raise children as a single Mum and shared some funny stories about my own children’s escapades. I could have offered to entertain your “busy one” while you collected yourself and settled the baby. It might have made your day a tiny bit easier….if you’d seen me.

Continue reading

The Power Of Now – Have We Taken It Too Far?

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Apparently it’s all about the power of now, of being in this moment, of not living in the past or in the future.

It’s all about being right here, right now…..

 

If that’s what it’s really about then we’re on a winner.

Society seems to be very focused on the NOW.

In fact, it’s a world obsessed with the NOW.

 

I want it NOW.

Give it to me NOW.

I deserve it NOW. Continue reading

Challenge: Do Three Nice Things For Yourself…Easy Huh?

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How many of you were led to believe that it is selfish to put your own needs above others?

 

That it is wrong to put yourself first?

 

 

One way to tell is to ask yourself a couple of questions:

“Do I feel guilty when I take time for myself?”

“Does it feel okay to spend money on myself or do I do a mental checklist (But Henry’s been asking for a new jacket and Amy really wants a new ipod…) and then talk my way out of it?”

“When was the last time I treated myself to something frivolous or extravagant that was just for me..?”

 

 

Women in particular are really good at believing that focussing on ourselves is selfish.

Often we are brought up to believe that our role is to take care of the people around us – that it is compulsory, a fundamental part of our role in life as nurturers. Continue reading

Will you make me cluck like a chicken?

“Will you make me cluck like chicken?”

I’ve heard that line a couple of times lately!

There is a lot of misinformation and a lot of unfounded fear out there about hypnosis-I know, because I used to have some pretty interesting views on it too, especially with all of those “over the top” stage shows.

A common question I get asked is “What does hypnosis actually feel like?” So I thought today I would talk about how hypnosis feels to me.

(What is important to remember here, is that everybody experiences hypnosis differently. This simply reflects my experience and that relayed back by the people I work with.)

Ever been “in the zone?” You know, when you are so engrossed in something enjoyable that you totally lose track of the outside world and the passing of time… When you feel completely relaxed, comfortable and at peace with yourself? (Getting lost in a good book, walking, daydreaming, or out making things in the shed….) Well, that’s essentially what hypnosis feels like for me. When you’re doing something but it is so easy and effortless that it’s almost like you’re not there….even though you know you are.

I remember my first hypnosis course in 2007. I was convinced I couldn’t be hypnotised and that no way was anyone going to control my mind! Well, not only was I good at “being hypnotised” but I quickly learned that I had full awareness and control of my own mind. I knew I could take on or reject anything that was suggested to me. I knew I had total choice and also an awareness of the choices I was making.

Hypnosis is a complete paradox-a sense of total and complete relaxation whilst at the same time being almost hyper-aware and alert. It’s almost like you are operating at two or more different levels and you actually get to observe the part of yourself which normally remains hidden. You sort of get to be yourself and see yourself all at the same time which is absolutely fascinating! (Ernst Hilgard described it as “the Hidden Observer.”) It’s almost as if your conscious mind gets to listen, analyse, rationalise and “think” while the unconscious mind-the other part of you-just gets on with the job of doing what it needs to do-of putting the puzzle pieces together.

The therapist/ hypnotist’s role is to offer suggestions and possibilities that move you towards something better, something more useful and effective. In your heightened state of awareness and relaxation you get to examine each of these instantly, assess their relevance, tailor them to suit your own needs, decide which are important or less important, take on board and keep those which are useful and helpful in some way and reject anything that is not -without any emotional charge.

Hypnosis is the ultimate being in the now. For me it is like meditation. A time of shutting down the noise and the chaos and allowing in the quiet, the peace and stillness by directing all of your focus in the one place using your own imagination. Time Out From Time without actually going anywhere! Of using the power of your own selective attention to focus on something that is useful and beneficial for you.

Which, for most of us (let’s face it), is probably not clucking like a chicken!