What Is Truth?

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Truth is a funny thing.

It seems to be as malleable as plasticine, able to be bent and twisted into any shape we require. What is true one day can be found in the bottom of the trash bin the next. Truths we’ve held dear and built lives upon can come tumbling down like a house of cards with a mere puff of wind. A truth that seems as solid as rock can turn to dust beneath our feet.

So, how do we know what’s true and what’s not?

Quite often we believe something is “true” simply because it is convenient to do so. This “truth” fits our agenda and serves us in some way. It aligns with our story about ourselves and about others. It matches up with what we expect from ourselves or others.

We literally pick and choose our truths, keeping what fits and doubting or dismissing what doesn’t. Continue reading

Hey Stupid! (Why Do We Resist Change?)

Procrastination

 

Hey Stupid!

Am I talking to you??

Well, maybe…..”

Are you one of those people who knows exactly what you should be doing when it comes to your own health, wellbeing and happiness….but you don’t actually do it?

One of those people who should exercise more, eat more healthily, stop worrying so much, get more sleep…

 

I ran into a young man I know recently.

“You look amazing!” I said.

“I should, I’ve lost 50 kilos,” he replied.

I raised an eyebrow in surprise. “How did you manage that?”

He gave me a rueful smile.

“I got diabetes….”

 

How often do we wait for the crisis rather than making change by choice? What is it that allows us to become essentially blind, deaf and mute when our body, our heart and our mind are shouting at us?

What allows us to block out the whispers that let us know change is due?

And why does it often require a whack over the head with a sledgehammer to finally wake us up?

 

We all know what we need to do to be healthy and happy. We read the books, go to the courses, watch the TV shows and the TED Talks from our comfy chairs. We get all motivated, have great intentions, buy all of the associated crap that will make us happier, healthier, thinner and much more beautiful….and then we…we….well, can’t be bothered really….yawn..

I know my health is at risk, that my habit is killing me, my lack of movement is crippling me, my relationship is suffocating me, my job is sucking me dry…..but…maybe tomorrw….

Why is it that we spend so much time, energy and emotion resisting, when the changes we could make are often quite simple, frequently pleasurable and definitely in our best interests in regard to our own wellbeing and happiness?

Why are we such a bunch of donkeys when it comes to making simple changes in our lives?

 

Imagine if instead of thinking about it, agonizing over it, worrying about it, punishing ourselves for it or postponing it, we instead decided to let go of our resistance and simply do it…

Now there’s a radical idea!

 

I have a friend who refused to stop smoking until the day she walked into the dentist’s office and was told that if she didn’t quit now  she would lose all of her teeth. “I’m vain,” she told me. She walked out of his office, threw her pack of fags in the bin and hasn’t touched one since.

 

I wonder what it would take for you?

 

As for me I’m off for a walk…

Or I would be if it wasn’t raining… :)

Finding Your Tribe

tribes

 

Who is your tribe?

Who makes up the group you surround yourself with, the group you “belong” to?

Does your tribe consist of the people you grew up with? The ones you went to school with?

Are they the people who live near you?

 

What ties you to your tribe? Do you have similar interests, play sport together or have kids who attend the same school?

 

Lots of factors determine who we spend our time with and who we identify with.

Quite often who we mix with are people who think like we do, who hold similar beliefs and opinions.

Sometimes what we like most about them is that they’re so much like us…..

 

Feeling that you belong is incredibly important to most of us. We have a basic need to feel liked and accepted. We long to “fit” somewhere, to find our place in the world.

 

Some people belong to the same tribe their entire lives. Others spend their lives flitting around the fringes looking desperately for a place to belong and never quite finding it. Some spend a lifetime trying to join a tribe that is never going to accept them into its fold.

And some of us find the need to change our tribe as we grow and change as human beings.

What happens when you wake up one day and realise that you don’t quite fit anymore? That you seem to be headed in a different direction maybe, or simply that your tribe is no longer a place where you can be who you really are?

 

Many of us try to hold on, afraid that if we leave our tribe we will be left alone forever…. (to wander lost and lonely as a cloud…) :)

That terror of being alone is pretty much up there with death on most people’s fear chart.

For that reason many people stay with their tribe long after it no longer feels right. When those people who surround us no longer reflect who we really are.

 

Transitioning between tribes can be a terrifying experience. Knowing that you no longer fit the old but having no idea how to find the new.

Knowing that there must be people out there like you.

People with similar beliefs and ideals.

People who think and feel like you.

People with fresh new ideas.

People willing to embrace you on a whole new level. Continue reading

Listen Up! I’m Busy Telling You What I Most Need To Hear…

The Expert

The Expert

 

Have you ever taken the time to listen to the words that come out of your own mouth?

The advice you’re always giving others?

The pearls of wisdom that fall from your lips to be eagerly seized and added to someone else’s jewel collection and treasured forever?

 

How much of it did you actually hear?

 

I’ve spent years handing out “good” advice to others. (Sincere apologies to those who received some they didn’t actually ask for!)

Shortly after I entered the therapy field I realised something important:

The suggestions I was handing out to others at any given time, were exactly the suggestions I needed to be hearing myself. Continue reading

What if ………

What if...

 

What if ….you’d replied when I enquired about how your day was going instead of turning away? You might have enjoyed hearing some stories about my adventures growing up in a place far from here. Those stories might have inspired you forward into your own possibilities…..if you’d seen me.

 

What if ……you’d thought to smile back when I lifted your pram up the bus steps for you and asked you whether I could help in any way as you struggled to climb aboard? I might have sympathised with you about how hard it is to raise children as a single Mum and shared some funny stories about my own children’s escapades. I could have offered to entertain your “busy one” while you collected yourself and settled the baby. It might have made your day a tiny bit easier….if you’d seen me.

Continue reading

Chaos Theory And The Human Tornado….

Source: Google Images

Source: Google Images

The chaos theory is real.

I know, I’ve seen it.

 

Have you ever encountered a Human Tornado?

I’m sure you’ve known one:

One who whirls through life in a frenzy of reactive movement and action.

One whose every moment is filled with noise and busy-ness.

One who always has something happening, something difficult going on, some crisis that needs to be dealt with….?

One who always seems to be smack bang in the middle of some drama or another……

 

Human Tornados can be exhausting to be around.

Their life is one of commotion and turmoil, one of constant fuss and upheaval.

 

They are like theatrical actors starring in their own endless Greek tragedy, waving their arms dramatically as they stagger through an eternal glorious death scene…..wailing hysterically and crying out:

“Look at me…Look at me…”I SAID BLOODY WELL LOOK AT ME!!!”

 

Human Tornados need a lot of energy to keep spinning.

They manage to generate a lot of that energy themselves.

I guess they’ve built up quite a bit of momentum over time.

Most of them, after all, have had years of practice.

 

The rest of that energy they get from anyone who happens to get caught up in their maelstrom, any poor sucker who happens to wander innocently past and utter the fatal words: “Are you okay?” or “Can I help in some way?”

One moment you’re feeling happy, calm and peaceful and the next you’re just another piece of the proverbial pooh that’s flying all around you.

Human Tornados love to share – chaos is how they love to do it.

 

How often do we get drawn into other people’s lives?

Swept up into problems that are not ours to be in?

How often do we allow ourselves to be caught up in the dramas of others and to become strained and tense and anxious as a result of this?

How often do we find ourselves swept up in a chaotic tempest that is not of our own making and then have no idea how to extricate ourselves from the debris of the aftermath?

 

Human Tornados can be downright dangerous.

They deplete those around them and they create undue stress and anxiety in those they come into contact with.

They also become so caught up in the importance of twirling magnificently, that they are oblivious to their impact on others and the destruction they leave in their wake.

(After all, being a Human Tornado is such an important job :) )

 

And the funny thing is, when you’ve rendered assistance to the poor Tornado, heard its desperate cries, when you’ve weathered the storm and done what you can, when it finally seems things are quieting down, that the end of the storm is approaching, that there will soon be peace and calm…

 

It is then that you will notice something quite strange.

 

The Human Tornado will grow increasingly uncomfortable and fidgety…almost as if they find the calm oppressive and the silence deafening…

And it won’t take long at all before you notice them start to spin, slowly at first, then gaining momentum like a Whirling Dervish until they are back doing what they know best, drawing in chaos and confusion in giddy ecstasy.

Until they are delightedly creating their next drama and inviting you into the carnage with a gleeful cry of delight:

“Oh poor me, poor me! Look at me, look at me! Come on in and help me…. Please??”

 

After all it seems, there is nothing more disturbing for a Human Tornado than stillness…. and the terrifying thought of having to be alone with themselves…

 

Just a thought…